FAMILY & FRIENDS

Information for Parents, Caregivers and Relatives of Children Who Have Been Sexually Abused.

Some feelings you may be experiencing.

'It's like a kind of grieving'

Parents whose children have been sexually abused talk about experiencing a kid of grieving after the disclosure of the abuse.  Some parents of children who have been abused describe the grieving as death without someone dying.  They feel the pain is long and never-ending as the abuser remains, to some degree, in their life.  There is a sense of much loss when a child has been abused.  For the non-offending parent there may be the loss of what my have been a good marriage or partnership.  You may feel the loss of years of work put into a marriage and perhaps creating a family.  You may grieve for your child's loss of a sense of safety and trust.  Feeling that your other children, your parents and other relatives may have a sense of something lost is common.

'But I feel so responsible'

Even though you may come to accept that you are not responsible for the abuse itself, often the non-offending parent is left with many feelings of responsibility.  You are expected to be strong and supportive of your abused child and others.  You are expected to make the right decisions for your child, even though you may not know what these decisions are.  You may be responsible for making choices such as: Should I tell my other children, parents and relatives?  Should I allow my children to have any contact with the person who abused my child?  How do I protect other children now that I know he's an abuser?  You might feel that it is almost impossible to make any of these choices.  Some women find solutions to these problems quite quickly, while for many the decisions will only come with time - after speaking with supportive friends, family and counsellors.

'I feel lots of conflicting emotions'

As well as grief and responsibility, it is likely that you and your child are experiencing a whole range of conflicting emotions.  Listed below are some of the emotions children and adults may feel when sexual abuse becomes part of their experience.  Remember, there is no right or wrong way to feel.  Each person will react in their own way and confusion is common.