WHAT IS INCEST AND
CHILD SEXUAL ABUSE?

Incest happens in the family, when an adult or older adolescent uses a child or young person for their sexual gratification.

It might be fondling, exhibitionism, intercourse, oral or anal sex, masturbation, photographing naked children, or child prostitution.

Child sexual abuse is a more general term used when the offender may not be a member of the family. Incest and child sexual abuse are crimes.

Incest and child sexual abuse are common in our society. It happens to both male and female children, but more often the victims are girls. All statistics indicate that the overwhelming majority of offenders are male. (Although we have used "him" throughout this information to refer to the offender, we also acknowledge that some women choose to abuse.)

The experience of Sexual Assault Centres makes it clear that offenders are seen as 'normal' by their friends, families or workmates. So what we are faced with is not a problem of a small number of disturbed men, but rather a society in which normal men consider it their right to force sexual contact with children in their families.

So why do men perpetrate sexual violence against children?

The answer lies in the way power is concentrated in the hands of men. Male violence and the threat of male violence really means the threat of sexual violence.

Links are made in our society between male power and sexual dominance. If we focus on the adult's use of sex for power and control rather than on the sexual activity, then we can more readily understand the prevalence of incest and child sexual abuse. 

How you may be feeling

If you are an adult women remembering being sexually abused, you may feel some or all of these feelings:

• afraid that you've made it up
• angry at him for what he did
• ashamed at not being able to stop it
• betrayed by him
• scared to tell anyone
• anxious and panicked
• sad because you lost a part of your childhood
• guilty because you think you must have done something to make it happen
• tricked because he called it love
• angry because no-one protected you
• depressed
• isolated because you couldn't ever tell anyone
• confused because sometimes you did like him and his interest in you
• insecure
• worried about what other people will think
• confused about what really happened

You have a right to be angry.

It was not your fault.

You are not to blame.

You trusted him. You did not make it happen. He was an adult. He was in control. He knew what he was doing was wrong. He may have threatened you never to tell.

How the trauma may affect your life

The trauma does not end when the abuse stops.
Sexual abuse can affect your life in many ways.
You may:

• hate your body
• not trust anyone
• find intimacy in relationships very difficult
• feel sex is disgusting or humiliating
• often 'space out' and not be present
• be affected physically
• sometimes feel crazy 'without reason'
• force yourself to be busy and 'on the move' all the time
• feel angry at someone or angry at everyone

Ideas that may help

At the time, you did not have many options. You did the best you could under impossible circumstances.

Now that you are an adult you may want to look at the ways you have coped.
You may have had support from someone. You may not have told anyone.

If you feel that you have been sexually abused, these ideas may assist:

accepting that the abuse really happened and that it caused you great pain, can be a relief

believing that it wasn't your fault lets you put the blame where it belongs - on the abuser

learning to trust your memories, feelings and dreams can help

crying and feeling sad can ease the pain

directing anger and rage at the abuser and those who didn't protect you can be useful

feeling compassion for yourself - for the child who was frightened and powerless can help

seeing a counsellor or doing group work may be beneficial

Remember that you have already lived through the hardest and most painful part - the abuse itself.

• You have survived.
• You can now use the strength you have gained to build a future free from the pain of sexual abuse
• You are not alone.

If you are a survivor of incest of sexual abuse living in the Mallee or Sunraysia area, you can ring the Mallee Sexual Assault Unit or contact the Domestic Violence and Incest Resource Centre.

1. to seek information on support groups and understanding counsellors
2. to get pamphlets and resources
3. to use our library which contains many books, self-help guides, videos and articles for survivors